they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
