It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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