why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
