Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
