so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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