i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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