Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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