that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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