I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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