Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I touched a dick in church today
These tits shall not be calmed
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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