I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
