Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
