if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
