so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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