at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
