sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
