if i died would you start the facebook group?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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