It's Friday. Sex?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
