3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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