you guys were way drunker than both of me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
