I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
