I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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