Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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