I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
