Porn is love you can see.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
