We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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