is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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