shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize