"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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