sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
