So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
