He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My cat gives me a boner
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
