Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
