Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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