I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
