someone owes me an orgasm
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
