Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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