I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
