Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Your cock deserves a montage
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
