I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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