so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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