I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
