Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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