that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize