Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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