Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
