life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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