The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
