I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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