um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
