the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize