I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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