just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
