u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
