Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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