so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize