Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
