I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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