having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
