dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
