She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
