This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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