I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
