she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
