How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
