I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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