Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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