3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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