he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
