i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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