it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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