dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
