K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
