I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
