I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
