i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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