38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
