Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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