i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize