Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i think i just lost a toe
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
