I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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