Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
