I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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