you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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