I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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