I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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