Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
