I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
