I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
