sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
