Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
