Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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