remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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