Got a toothbrush?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
