So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
