It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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