What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
