So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
