just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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