I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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