White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
