So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
